If it ever stops, I'll appreciate it.

This past 10 days (I wrote this orginially Feb. 26) has been unreal and just so emotionally and physically draining that I'll be happy when the damn month is over. Here 2008 has just started and I'm ready for it to be over and done with.

For those that read and don't know. . . .My beautiful best friend, also known as Mama, passed away Feb. 17th. We were by her side and told her we loved her as she left this life to begin a new one with Granpa and all the other family that was waiting on her. It's been traumatic on the family to say the least.

Tuesday night Dad came down with the stomach flu, he was feeling better during the funeral and Thursday morning he woke up even worse. Sis called the dr and demanded something for him, so they called something in. Friday, my brother in law Scott got sick too. J had to take him to the ER and really right then, someone should have just kicked us really good.

Saturday, I come home from Elk City and 45 minutes after getting here, I hear a knock on the door. "Anything you want out of the car?" WTF?!?!?!

Miss one payment and be late on another (for good reason mind you!) and they repossess your damn car. . . . . so with all that I just called daddy and started bawling. My first inclination is always to call Mama when something happens. Mama's make it all better. (I know I am one) Even if we don't have the exact fix, we make it better. I told the guy 'my babies car seats are in there'. . .he said that's why I knocked on the door. I guess he just would have taken off with it had the car seats not been in there.

Terri calls Sunday morning, she has the flu. Jenna has the flu and today my little guy wakes up with a 102 temp. Call the dr and really the only thing we can do for Ian is keep him comfortable, alternate tylenol and motrin and give plenty of fluids.

UGH!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, Jenae (my cousin for those that don't know) took me out to help me find some shoes. Strike 1 2 and 3. I couldn't even make a decision about shoes. Found some really cute ones. . . for her . I found some too, but didn't know if the color would go with everything. No decisions could be made. . .my brain won't engage.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
March 21st

So we went in this morning and Ian had his teeth fixed. While they were in there, they found 2 more teeth that needed to be capped, so he had a total of 10 teeth capped. Poor Little Guy!

From January until today, two of his molars decayed to the point of needing caps. I asked the dr about it and this is what it is. . ..

It is a combination of bad teeth genetics, overcrowding (his little mouth is too small for his teeth) no enamel and the fact that his teeth basically developed out of the uterus instead of in. His bottom 4 teeth are completely crooked. (I guess that means maybe braces when he’s older. . .oy and yay! )

He has 4 white caps on top, 4 silver caps on the bottom front (they couldn’t get white ones, which is ok) and then the 2 molars are silver also. ugh!

He came out of the anesthesia like a wild animal, I’d never seen such a thing and it scared me a bit, but the nurse said that was completely normal. eeeek. Marc never did that to me so it was different.

Two of his teeth were infected already, so I am now off to get his anti-biotic and tylenol with codiene (the dr said 10 teeth was just too much for regular tylenol and Ibuprofen).

we have to pay out 245 a month until September for his teeth , but it’s worth it if it keeps him healthy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

March 25th

ok you’d think, nice pretty day outside, letting the boys play and all that would be ok. no not with my boys.

Ian just busted his new dental work all to hell and back. He was walking on the driveway, fell but caught himself with his hands and then his head went "thwap!!!" I picked him up and blood was everywhere (I DIDN’T pass out YAY) he was screaming and I was in a panic.

He hit hard enough that the nice white coating on the front of his top tooth is gone, completely. it just shattered off. there is blood all clotted behind his teeth where he knocked the caps into his gums a little further.

So I run inside, call the emergency line for the dentist and they say as long as they aren’t crooked we can fix them tomorrow. They aren’t crooked, just bloody.

so i guess we fix them tomorrow, i hope they will put that extra money on the payment plan, because I don’t have it! I have just enough to get through to next payday, and pay the dr for my visit on thursday.

LIFE: you suck, stop kicking me, and let me have some fucking peace for a few days. DAMMIT!!!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
March 26th

ok so we go back to the dentist in 10 days. April 9th at 2:30. . . his teeth were just a tiny bit loose, but not horrible. He thinks they’ll tighten back up within the 10 days.

he said there is really no damage to them (other than the obvious)

If they are ok, we’ll then schedule an appt for a shot sedation fix of the white front.

He said this is the first cap he has EVER had break. I told him "leave it to my son to shatter pretty white crowns" he said "at least now we know what it takes"

~~~~~~~~~~~~
Later that afternoon

I swear to God! I’d really like life to stop kicking me in the damn teeth already. I’m tired of it and really don’t think I can take anymore.

So the incident with Ian, I took him to the dentist this morning, though I’m sure I wrote about that this morning. If not, his teeth are ok, we go back in 10 days.

So then today while Ian’s speech therapist was here, I get a call from Marc’s school. Some kid had decided it would be fun to push my son off the top of the slide! .. .. They believe he dislocated his elbow, so I call get an appt with the dr and go get him.

The dr is unsure if he actually dislocated it or not, because of the Ehlers-Danlos, they can pop in and out at any time. But he had free range of motion and everything was ok when we got to the dr.

I called my sister and when she called me back I just died laughing hysterically. .. .. .. it was either that or just start crying hysterically. .. ..

The only good thing (I guess you can say that) that happened today is I was able to trade my mom’s car (the accent) in for a sonata. more room, better car all around. I kinda cried .. .. when I left the lot in the new car and left Mom’s behind. .. .. But it is for the best.

The only catch. . .it’s a 5speed. I’ll have to teach shawn to drive it. .. ..

Hello My Life How You SUCK!!!!!!!! .... .. .. .... ..

Yes We Can by Will.I.Am

 

myspace icons

myspace layouts

Remember Our Preemies As You Go Through November. Say A Prayer Everyday For The Little Ones That Fight For Their First Breaths Of Life.

This was Marc's First Picture Ever. He was born at 25weeks 6days gestation @ 2 lbs even 12.5" long. His little Head was the size of a tennis ball at only 8" in circumference. His Apgars were 2 and 4. . .This was taken minutes before he was transferred to the NICU.

This is my dad's hand on Marc's chest. . he was 15 days old in this picture. I had not yet held him, that's how tiny he was. . .

This was Ian's First Picture In The NICU. He was born at 32weeks gestation @ 5lbs 1oz 18" long. His Apgars were 8 and 9. This was the first time I got to see him after they took him from the O.R.

First of all, I know it's been a while. I neglect my journal online as bad as I do this sometimes. . . .

I'll just say that my mom has been sick and wow boy was it touch and go.

first she went into the hospital on October 11. She was in for extremely low protein and potassium. She was retaining fluids, so they put her on a lasix drip. She went down to 127lbs. They let her out October 17th.

this is from my journal. . .

they let mom out of the hospital last night.

my uncle (her 1st baby brother) was there yesterday afternoon and she was "ok" but when Dad got there they gave her some medication, he said it was a reglan (something she's been on regularly for 5 years at least) and she was really confused.

He said she acted confused at the hospital but they went ahead and let her go home.

He called my granma to come stay with her while he went to get all her Rx meds. (antibiotic, potassium, appeitite stimulant and vitamin) Granma said she got up one time and said she needed to go to the bathroom, but turned into the kitchen. Granma asked her where she was going and she just wanted to go in there for a minute. Then she went back the couch. Granma said as soon as she sat down she realized that she needed to go, so Granma walked her to the bathroom.

She said she got up once and Granma asked her where she was going. She told her that she needed to go to the car for a minute. When granma asked what she needed she said "oh nothing" and sat back down.

When Dad got home, I called a little later and asked how she was. He said "she's messed up. She doesn't even know where she is." she asked a couple times and he told her "hon you are home"....and she'd say oh yeah yeah.

I called this morning to see how the night was like, he said it wasn't as rough as some of the nights he's had with her, but she was up and down and confused alot.

He was going to call their PCP when she opened this morning. I started crying when I was on the phone with him.

She is at my granma's house right now. My other uncle, we call him "Bubba" (her 2nd baby brother) helped Granma get her into the car and get her into granma's house. When I talked to her, I asked her how she was, and she said she was weak. I told her to let me talk to granma again and she said ok ok . . and then started talk to me again. I said "mom, can I talk to granma again" she said ok, ok bye and started to hang up the phone. I heard granma in the background say "honey she wants to talk to me again."

She knew she was at granma's when Granma asked her if she knew where she was. But there's other things that are confusing her.

I called Bubba (2nd baby brother) and asked how mom was doing a few minutes ago and he said "oh sleepy." when I asked if she was coherent he said not really. I asked what was going on and he said mom told him she took a sleeping pill. My mom doesn't have any sleeping pills in her house, so she couldn't have taken one.

I just scared the bejeezus out of Marc. He doesn't understand and I can't tell him anything, because I don't even know. I just told him mommy was having a sad day. He touched my face and said "don't cry mommy" and gave me a hug.

I'm struggling with this so bad right now. I'm afraid to go out there for the fear that she might not know the boys. That was the hardest thing on my dad was when the grandfather that raised him, didn't know who he was.

~~~~~~~~
next entry written about friday October 19th. They took her back the 18th..

when they took her back to the hospital they had to do so in an ambulance.

her ammonia (sp?) level was 146, high normal is 45. so therefore she was minimally responsive yesterday. she was taking swings at the nurses when they irritated her, so she is in soft restraints for now.

today, she barely moans when they move her.

she has an NG tube for lactulose they are putting into her stomach and gut to absorb some ammonia. Today her level was 96, still high, and they aren't sure why she hasn't become conscious yet. She was headed to CT when I left the hospital to let my boys take a nap.

I'm at my uncle's right now and fixing to go back to the hospital in a few minutes.

this is so i don't know what.. i'm just lost, i don't know what to do.

no biopsy results yet. we're pretty pissed at the dr. last night she never even stopped to talk to our family and the only thing she said this morning when she talked to dad was they don't know why her liver is failing. (they did a liver biopsy on her Tuesday the 16th)
~~~~~~~~~~~

when I went to let the boys take a nap, I had Marc record a voice memo for her on my phone. He said "i love you granna. better get ready soon (was trying to say get well soon lol). I love you granna. (then Yelled into the phone) I LOVE YOU GRANNA"

when I played that for her, she opened her eyes. This was the first time she had responded to anything at all yesterday. I said "you hear marc huh?" I asked her if she wanted to hear it again, and she nodded her head yes. I played it again and a tear rolled down her cheek.

by the time Dad left last night she was able to tell him she could hear him.

This morning (saturday 20th) she was awake and talking. She is kinda slow and slurry about it, but at least this is progress.

~~~~~~~~
she was well enough to go to a regular room this evening (sunday 21st). i'm home with my boys, but i'll return to elk city tuesday if need be.

i'm spending tomorrow with the boys and shawn since it's our 8th anniversary tomorrow.

She got to talk to Marc on the phone today, she was happy about that.

i'm hoping they'll transfer her up here to OKC. I cannot stand the dr that she has there. . .

she (the dr) was such a bitch to me this morning. I wanted to slap the crap out of her.

She came in, and mom is still having a little confusion, to be expected. She lost 3 whole days for gracious sake. She was talking to mom, telling her what they were going to do today and started to walk out without seeing if anyone had any questions.

I said "uh, do we know anything on the biopsy?" she turned around and shot daggers at me saying "it's sunday, pathology labs don't work on weekends". Oh ok. Excuse the fricken hell out of me.

1. small town hospital and I realize this.
2. she sent a sample to Baptist Hospital (top hospital in the US for transplants) they don't "close".
3. the stupid sample was sent to them at the very latest Wednesday morning.

I wanted to literally smack her in the face.

My dad actually had to corner her in the hallway the other day just to get the CT scan results. She wasn't going to tell us anything!

my cousins were in there at the time and when she left (2 of them btw work at Baptist Hospital) Jackie looked at me and said, "she's the kind of dr that talks only to the patient and forget the family".

I was fuming mad at the wench. The least she could have done was talked to us, I mean my god mom asked 2 times after she left what they were going to do to her today. What if we weren't in there when she came in???

She also doesn't know why mom's liver is shutting down.

All the blood tests point to obstruction (biliary obstruction) but the MRI and U/S don't show one at all

Terri (RN sister) explained that her blood tests aren't following any pattern at all. They usually follow a pattern for whatever the issue is. But hers don't, other than obstruction.

I walked in and I was fricken chopped liver she said "where's Marc"

They removed her NG tube today, and have her on PO lactulose and pain meds (WITHOUT tylenol)

Still no biopsy results.

her ammonia level this morning was 26. Her ammonia level wasn't high forlong enough to have too badly of an effect. her CT scan was normal. no damage whatsoever.

My sister (the RN) has taken care of patients like this before, so she basically told us, her consciousness and such would come back in chunks.

I just pray to God that she's like my mom before all this.
~~~~~~~the 25th
mom gets to come home sometime today.

they gave her two units of blood yesterday (wednesday) because she was anemic, but she has pernecious anemia, so it wasn't a surprise.

She is coming home on the lactulose until they can figure out why her liver isn't working.

~~~~~~~~26th
she is to take her lactulose 4 times a day and she is no longer allowed to have any tylenol whatsoever! thank the good lord for that dr's order!

I called her and she sounded good, tired but good. She told me that the dr dropped this bombshell on her today. . . . the dr has never seen a patient like my mom come out of a coma before. Mom is the first one, this particular dr has seen come out.

I swear on everything holy, that it was Marc's voice. Those two have a connection like no other, well except my dad and marc.

it's just crazy. she told me that and I said 'well no that doesn't scare the pee outta me at all'

but for now, she is getting better. her staph infection is going away and the blood helped too.

I'm going out there tomorrow night to take her car back to her, while I'm there I'm going to go do a big grocery shop for her. Dad's basically been eating at the hospital cafeteria for 2wks.

hopefully the dr up here in OKC will have some answers.

we are *still* waiting on the liver biopsy from Baptist Hospital. yes really.