For those that dont know I am the mama to 2 beautiful boys that were premature. Our first was a 26 weeker, weighing 2 lbs. Our second was a 32 weeker weighing 5lbs 1oz.

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the one day designated for it is the 15th. so if you see like niagra falls or the capital lit up in pink and blue on the 15th that is why!

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A favor to ask, it only takes a minute.... Please tell ten friends to tell ten today! The Breast Cancer site is having trouble getting enough people to click on their site daily to meet their quota of donating atleast one free mammogram a day to an underprivileged woman. It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram" for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram in exchange for advertising. Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. http://www.thebreastcancersite.com/ AGAIN, PLEASE TELL 10 FRIENDS TO TELL 10 TODAY !!!!!!!

(my freakin god i hate my neighbors)

anyway

i sit here writing while everyone is asleep, listening to some really bad music (courtesy of my neighbors ) and wondering, how exactly do you live with an alcoholic? for 7 years I've lived with one. A self admitted one at that.

what do you do when see someone you love slowly killing themselves? he can't let go of the past, doesn't know how to deal *i know as soon as he reads this, he'll want to drink even more, and that is counter-productive to what i want*

i want him to live, to let go of things he cannot change. it's hard watching someone take drink after drink, get so drunk he can't even clearly stand. i get annoyed sure even sometimes feel a little embarrassed, but what is a girl to do?

strong arming someone isn't the way to go, threatening isn't either.... so i sit back and watch him slowly kill himself. i know that if he doesn't stop he won't be around for the boys, he'll do them no good 6 feet under. 

see he used to not drink liquor, now he does, whether or not one is worse then the other, i don't know, but i do know that i can't sit and watch anymore.

i dont know who to blame, him, myself, his childhood?  my sister gave him really good advice, let go of yesterday and focus on tomorrow. but that can't happen either, because he won't let it.

yeah i know what a place to air the laundry *not very dirty if you ask me* but there has got to be a way to get through to him.

the more you say to him the more he drinks, not out of spite, but because he feels like he's let you down.

i'm not let down, just scared. i'm not let down, just pissed sometimes.

yeah yeah i married him knowing what i know now. he didn't suddenly change, but 7 years ago I didn't have 2 boys that were counting on their dad to be there in the next 20+ years.

i do love my husband, i love him alot, maybe that is why i don't like to see the road he is on.

if anyone has any advice, true advice, not AA, not leave him, but true caring advice, please tell me....

til then. . . . i love you very much my dear husband.

ps, i cant receive PMs, you can however email thanos.angel@cox.net

makes you wonder? ? ? ?